I know I said I was going to write this weekend. That did not happen because I had an amazing, but busy weekend making like a twenty-something should and helping plot a revolution as a result of also making like a twenty-something should and going out and having age appropriate fun with my peers (that’s pc talk for drinks and dancing). It was the best weekend I have had since moving here. I finally felt in my element and was given a little reprieve from the stress and frustrations that seem to loom ever larger on a daily basis. I even came up with my very first exhibition idea, which is quite good, I think. I felt in control, vibrant, and charged again. It was good. No, it was great.
I’m glad I enjoyed it while I could because today brought the frustrations flooding back. I don’t think it is appropriate to go into specifics here. I am private enough not to do so. Right now, I’m not in a great place. I am very much questioning my decisions over and over again. Well, to be honest I haven’t stopped doing that for the past six months or so. I had been able to put it from my mind, though. I think I’m realizing the importance of trusting your guts. Instinct is very powerful if one is attuned to it. I think my sense of confusion, disappointment, frustration, disorientation, and sometimes anger right now is a direct result of my disregard for that.
At this point, I can honestly say I do not know what to do or where to go from here. I am feeling rather trapped which always terrifies me. I am trying to stay positive and be proactive, but at times I find myself feeling a bit like Sisyphus. I have called in reinforcements, and my mom is arriving Thursday to bolster me, and help me out with a few things. Sometimes one just needs their mother, and I have never been ashamed of acknowledging that fact when it is pertinent.
I hate that this is the post you all are getting, but once again I am busy, too busy for proper writing, and I am having an unhappy moment. Unfortunately down here I am either too busy or without access to my creative pursuits. I feel like I am missing a little piece of my soul due to it. I don’t feel myself at all of late, and that disturbs me.
I hope things get better and work out. I’m trying to have faith in the universe, but right now everything is up in the air, and I’m feeling that deeply. Send positive thoughts my way, please. I need them.